New Mint Candy Looks Like Street Drugs

Typically, I'd just laugh at a story like this. However, I'm going to have to agree with the police complaint on this one. Now, the picture is a little misleading - the 'packet' is actually two dissoluble strips, like the Listerine strips.

Step 1: Make a product that looks like drugs.

Step 2: Public outrage over product that creates free publicity causing candy to sells like, er, candy because its being removed from the shelves.

Step 3: Profit.

Case study: One particular energy drink that has a got a song by Eric Clapton!

In December 2006, a group of law students representing Americans for Drug Free Youth and the Progressive Intellectual Property Law Association filed an objection to Redux Beverage's filing for a trademark on the Cocaine name, on the basis that was immoral.^[3]

It contained three and a half times as much caffeine as the leading energy drink, Red Bull, as demonstrated on the label with "Energy Level:" followed by three and a half bull heads. The label also boasted 750 milligrams of taurine, another common ingredient found in many energy drinks.

On May 5th, 2007, Cocaine was pulled from U.S. shelves as a result of the FDA's decision that Cocaine was "illegally marketing their drink as an alternative to street drugs". Redux Beverages began working on a new name for the product immediately. At the end of May, 2007, the Redux team decided to change the name to "No Name:" energy drink, with the new can label featuring a large blank space for fans to write their chosen name for the drink. On June 17th, 2007, the drink was redistributed in the U.S. under the new label.

And then there's my favorite from when I was a kid -

Candy Cancer Sticks. They were the best when it was cold outside, because then you really looked like the Old Man havin' a smoke.

By the way, why the hell was Popeye selling candy cigarettes? The sailor smoked a pipe for cryin' out loud. That's dumber than selling tasty candy cigarettes to babies.

You could use a sucker, but you could chomp down on the candy smoke to simulate the progression of tar and nicotine into your little virgin lungs.

Frankly, no one should be surprised by the appeal of making candy or non-drugs marketed as drugs. And then there's the other side of this story - making drugs to look like candy... you know, don't take candy from a stranger, and also on a kitchy marketing campaign. I mean I dig the Photoshop work, guys - but -




I've never understood this, because I'm with Chris Rock. He says, "It's not like there's some drug dealer sitting around goin' 'how'm I gonna' sell all of these drugs!?'"

Are you going for the Topp's 'Wacky Packs' retro thing here? Is it really necessary to do this to sell your wares? I don't know, but the DEA posted it all - and you can bet that the nice folks in Battle Creek (Kellogg's) didn't like it too much either. The Jones people, however, probably dug the publicity?

Nobody F*cks with the Jesus

John Tuturro says Jesus Quintana may return in a spinoff movie. Nobody f*cks with The Jesus!

Story cutn'dapasted from (here):

There are four faces carved into my Mount Rushmore. And one is wearing a hair net.

His name is Jesus Quintana (not Hay-seuss, but Gee-zus), and in less than four minutes onscreen in The Big Lebowski, he solidifies his legacy as an icon of the bowling-movie genre.

Long ago, I decided I'd give up all of my beloved bowling trinkets for a chance to roll with any of the stars of The Big Lebowski. In particular, I wanted the pederast in the purple jumpsuit.

My wish came true when John Turturro -- who has made a career out of creating scene-hijackers like The Jesus -- came to town recently to promote Romance and Cigarettes, his way-out-there working-man's musical opening today in Dallas.

But as I wait at USA Bowl on a Sunday afternoon in November, surrounded by league matches and kids' parties, I have a case of the jitters. I am intimidated by The Jesus.

When Turturro strolls in wearing a pinstriped blazer and a stone-faced look, it doesn't ease my nerves. All business, he snatches up a pair of size 11s and a plastic foam coffee cup and strides toward Lane 1. The whole scene played out in slow-mo, just like it did in The Big Lebowski, the Gipsy Kings' version of Hotel California blaring in my head.

Ready or not, I am about to bowl [Cap'n's note: shoulda been ROLL] with The Jesus.

Life in the fast lane

If you've never seen The Big Lebowski, just know that the Coen brothers' classic is a beautifully twisted manifesto on life and bowling.

It's the kind of movie that inspires grown men to memorize every line and dress up like a lovable slacker named The Dude and to make pilgrimages to Lebowskifests across the country.

And, despite hygiene concerns, to give their bowling balls the slightest of tongue kisses, a la The Jesus.

Nearly 10 years after its release, the movie is more popular than ever. All of which makes Turturro's first bit of news a bombshell in Lebowski land: He's ready to resurrect The Jesus.

"I'm trying to get [Joel and Ethan Coen] to write a spinoff. ... I've got the whole plot. We just need to sit down and write it," he says. "Maybe this winter. Everybody wants to do it.

"Jesus wasn't explored enough, ya know," Turturro says with a sly smile.

From that moment on, the interview is a blur, sheer giddiness clouding my memory.

I know we talked about Romance and Cigarettes, and Turturro's impressive acting history, including his time at the Yale School of Drama and his role as a go-to guy for Spike Lee and the Coens.

We also talked a lot about sports.

"There's a connection between athletics and performance," says Turturro, 50, a Brooklyn boy who gave an Emmy-worthy portrayal of legendary Yankees manager Billy Martin this year in ESPN's The Bronx Is Burning. He has also played a pool shark in The Color of Money and a basketball coach in Spike Lee's He Got Game.

He even slipped into Howard Cosell's toupee for Monday Night Mayhem. "At some point I knew that I wasn't gonna be a pro athlete. ... My father wanted me to be a doctor or an architect ... but once I went to the theater, it seemed like something people could actually do. It seemed attainable."

In case you were wondering, we did bowl -- two games, actually. And that is where the true Turturro was revealed.

I got a glimpse of how this meticulous actor climbs into the capillaries of his characters and makes them so indelible:

Pino, the racist pizza maker in Lee's Do The Right Thing; Barton Fink, the tortured screenwriter and title character in the Coens' darkest of comedies; Herbie Stempel, the nerdy contestant in Quiz Show; Emilio Lopez, Adam Sandler's sneaky (and hilarious) butler in Mr. Deeds; and Ambrose Monk, the quirkier brother of TV's OCD detective Adrian Monk, just to name a few.

After each missed spare or gutter ball, Turturro's mind is racing. He retraces steps, asks questions, downloads information.

He hasn't bowled much since The Big Lebowski, and he is regretting it now.

"It's kind of depressing, ya know," he says, his New Yawk accent thickening. "When I was doing the movie, Steve [Buscemi] and I would go to this bowling alley with this guy, and just throw ball after ball. If I had been in the movie longer, I would have trained for months."

I didn't doubt him.

After only a few frames and a few pointers, Turturro throws his first strike. Four straight 9s follow -- all near-misses. I can see the wheels turning. The Jesus is finding his form.

Music man

In the second game, things really get rolling. I start with two strikes, and Turturro answers with two of his own in the third and fourth frames.

Turturro is focused on bowling, shrugging off most of my attempts at small talk and questions.

But I manage to ask about Romance and Cigarettes, Turturro's directorial baby that definitely begs explanation.

Like why is James Gandolfini (The Sopranos) singing Engelbert Humperdinck songs and dancing in the street? Or Susan Sarandon channeling Janis Joplin in a church? And why make the story of a bridge builder's midlife crisis into a musical?

"Music is the quickest form of emotional transportation there is," says Turturro, who began writing the story 10 years ago, as he prepared for Barton Fink. "The movie deals with how people use music to escape their circumstances or express how they feel. They may not dance in the street, but that's how people use popular music."

Gandolfini plays Nick Murder, who slobbers all over the trashy Tula (Kate Winslet). Sarandon is Nick's weary wife, who will not stand for her husband's little trip down infidelity lane. And the rest of the cast is a who's who of big-name actors and indie darlings -- Buscemi, Elaine Stritch, Christopher Walken , Amy Sedaris, Eddie Izzard and Bobby Cannavale, among others. Mary Louise Parker, Mandy Moore and Aida Turturro (John's cousin) are hilarious as Nick's eccentric daughters.

The Coens produced the film, which, despite its pedigree, almost didn't make it to the big screen.

Turturro waited two years for Gandolfini to be free from his Sopranos commitments. Then a studio merger cost the film its American distributor. Turturro eventually financed the film himself.

You get the idea: He's a determined guy, on the lanes and on the set.

"Early on, people thought I could only do certain kinds of things. It took people like Spike and the Coen brothers to allow me to play parts that showed my intelligence and other aspects of me," he says. "You're always typecast, even if you're a really great-looking guy. Movies are predicated on your bone structure. Your close-up. It's freeing for me, actually, because I'm not stuck in that way."

The Jesus returns

Late in the second game, Turturro hits his stride, loping down the lane and throwing darts at the pocket. After strikes in the eighth and ninth frames, he finishes with a 157, the highest score any celebrity has ever bowled against me.

But it wasn't good enough. Not for The Jesus.

Watching the end of the football game between the Giants and Vikings in the USA Bowl bar, Turturro continues to quiz me about bowling technique. About footwork. How to throw a hook.

I keep digging for more detail about The Jesus.

Who came up with the purple jumpsuit and matching socks?

"That was the Coens," he says. "The nail. The hair net, the beard, the licking of the ball: That was mine.

"Those are things they expected me to come up with. I knew I had to come up with all kinds of bull----."

And if the spinoff becomes reality, what can we expect then?

"If I come back as The Jesus," Turturro says, flashing the first hint of his character's bravado, "I will guarantee you my bowling will be really good."

Final score 157 John 183 Rick

Best SNL Ever, and You'l Never See It.

It wasn't live from New York as usual. 10 days ago...

In front of 150 audience members in a tiny Manhattan theater were the only folks in the world to witness a totally new "Saturday Night Live" episode starring guest host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo.

Anyone who tuned into NBC was subjected to a two-week-old rerun featuring Brian Williams and Feist, thanks to an ongoing Writers Guild of America labor strike.

"It was everything that's never been on the show before," cast member Kenan Thompson told The Associated Press after the show. "Sometimes it doesn't get a chance to shine, but it sure shined here."

The "SNL" cast and writers collaborated on staging the special "Saturday Night Live—On Strike!" event at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre to benefit the behind-the-scenes staff affected by the strike. The live performance was not officially sanctioned by NBC, but "SNL" executive producer Lorne Michaels, who celebrated his 63rd birthday, did attend.

"He came and saw it and laughed a little bit," said Thompson.

The performance included all the trappings of a typical "SNL" episode, such as a host monologue, musical performance, "Weekend Update" news segment and several comedy sketches—all without any commercial interruption.

"It was a little dirtier than usual," audience member Birch Harms said.

A typical "SNL" episode features about seven sketches, but the cast performed about 15 original sketches during the two-hour event. Thompson said he starred in a sketch called "Hip-Hop Whodunit," a mock game show about solving hip-hop crimes, and also appeared as a French comedian during "Weekend Update."

"They didn't have elaborate costumes or graphics or anything," audience member Risa Sang-urai said. "Sometimes they would explain things or wear wigs. It wasn't anything too elaborate, but you didn't really need it."

Tickets to the hush-hush sold at the 11:30 p.m. EST performance were difficult to come by. Many audience members were friends or acquaintances of "SNL" cast members or performers at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, an improv theater co-founded by "SNL" cast member Amy Poehler.

Thompsen said everyone in the current cast participated in the event, except Maya Rudolph. Past cast members Rachel Dratch and Horatio Sanz also performed. Singer Norah Jones made a cameo appearance, according to audience members.

Production of "SNL" shut down because many of the stars also write the shows. The cast and writers of "30 Rock" have also planned to stage a similar live performance Monday at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.

"Everybody's in a holding pattern right now," Thompson said of the "SNL" staff. "It's a shame. All these creative people are just sitting around. We've obviously got material we're waiting to unleash on the world."

So let me elaborate, with some thoughts... it was the most original material they've done since the Belushi-era-cocaine 70's. They actually were creative and racy, they didn't depend on graphics and wigs to tell the jokes, they had Yo La Tango... and you'll never see it.

Or, the question is begged - how bad was it? if a show sucks and no one sees it, does it still suck?

To be fair - I have heard that this was staged in order to feed the crew - so if that's the case, it's all actually pretty damn cool.

New Indiana Jones Picture

Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Empty Lawn coming to theaters next summer

My Bloody Valentine

Its as if Christmas has come early around here - I just learned, as better fans have probably known for months - that My Bloody Valentine is talking about releasing the follow up to their last album Loveless again.

Sure it's one of those, I'll believe it when it's in my grubby little hands thing. I'm allowed to be a bit skeptical since the follow up to their last album Loveless, in 1991. If it really does come out. It's been the joke around many circles. A funny little joke similar to waiting for a famous religious figure to return, or for OJ to find the 'real killer' or when the Cubs say, 'this is the year.'

Any news of My Bloody Valentine gives me hope that they'll really do it. If anything, it brings them back to the forefront and reminds music fans of their existence and sound. Lately, the news was that they were going to release their wares ala Radiohead's experiment. (follow the link to their album In Rainbows) This would be swell - however the newest update on that, via WIRED magazine, is that this might not be the case at all. (article here)

Either way, with Jesus and Mary Chain reuniting - Radiohead smashing the broken and tired music industry business model - and now the mythological MBV third album to appear, I might start to think that it MIGHT spur some new, good music out there! Or perhaps move some lesser known indie rock gods to the surface. At the very least, these three seemingly separate events in a vacuum alone might not have changed anything - see the Bauhaus reunion - however, together, they might change the tone of the type of things that artists are doing in the studio, and re-create the tempo of what was going on in music in the early 90's? One could hope, anyway.

Abide

Lebowski Fest Chicago - March 7th & 8th, 2008

Lebowski Fest will be making its Chicago debut on March 7th & 8th, 2008! This weekend coincides with the 10 year anniversary of the theatrical release of The Big Lebowski! To celebrate, we will be projecting the original 35mm film print!

Friday March 7th, 2008 - Opening Party and Film Screening

Bands (TBA) followed by 35mm film screening of The Big Lebowski!

@ Portage Theater - 4050 N. Milwaukee Ave, 60641 - 8pm - All Ages - $15

Saturday, March 8th, 2008 - Bowling Party

Bowling, costume, trivia and other contests. All ages.

@ Waveland Bowl - 3700 N. Western Ave, 60618 - 6pm to 10pm - All Ages - $25

Ticket includes bowling and shoe rental. Bowling is general admission and not guaranteed. Shoes available while supplies last. Bowling in any non-dark sole shoe is acceptable. This includes jellies.

Tickets go on sale Fri, Dec 7th at Noon EDT! They will be available through TicketWeb.com. Check back here for a direct link to buy tickets.

Please note these events almost always sell out in advance. Waiting until the day of is not recommended.

Sign up for the mailing list for all the latest information, man.

I hate the Eagles

Don Henley Blasts 'Hotel California' Myth.

Henley is sick of questions about the inspiration behind the band's iconic hit Hotel California - because the truth is far more boring than the myths created by fans.

Legend has it Satanism is at the song's center - but Henley insists the lyrics are merely an observation of life in America in the 1970s.

He says, "It's so boring. It's basically a song about the dark underbelly of the American dream, and about excess in America which is something we knew a lot about."

Case in point - "Life in the Fast Lane" (same album) is about the exact same thing - proving, once again, that the Eagles, in fact - suck.


"Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuggin' Eagles, man!"

No need for Polls

Sometimes, you just don't need those fancy polls and whatnot. You just need the Capn.

Here's the latest "news" to be found on Yahoo:
Democrat Hillary Clinton would lose to all major Republican White House candidates, according to a hypothetical election matchup poll Monday, reversing her months of dominance over potential 2008 challengers.

The Zogby International poll was the latest sign that withering attacks on the former first lady were chipping away at her opinion poll leads just 38 days before the Iowa caucuses, the first party nominating contests.

In the new survey, Clinton trailed Senator John McCain 42 percent to 38 percent, former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani by 43 percent to 40 percent and former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney by 43 percent to 40 percent.

She also lagged behind former Arkansas Republican governor Mike Huckabee by 44 to 39 percent, and former Senator Fred Thompson by 44 to 40 percent in hypothetical general election matchups.

Clinton's top Democratic challengers Barack Obama and John Edwards however would still beat their hypothetical Republican rivals in potential 2008 contests.

This validates my point about Rove, it validates my thoughts on put up on Blasphemes. I have said that ANY of the Republican fellows could beat her in the national race. I don't know when, search for it. I ask now, how is this crap news? The country voted for BUSH over Longfellow -er- Kerry. The country hasn't come together to teach the world to sing the Coca-Cola song. Why would anyone think that Hillary can or would? She represents everything that is wrong with the Democratic party right now, and until now - right now - the minute you're reading this - has anyone bothered to think that through.

I have been waiting for Al Gore to take the stage. It's his time, and he's due the trumping of the Clintons (both of them) who threw him under the bus in 2000. I even support him to take the DNC nomination. Mostly for the humor factor.

Now it's up to Obama and also Edwards to get off their hands and go for the jugular. Don't hold back for the VeeP spot - you don't want that anyway... especially if you're going to loose with Hillary on top.... ewww... going to have to go back and edit that last sentence...

If you disagree - go on, start a flamewar with me. I'm working slow as I'm still recovering from that damned flu bug. Remember, you gots to show your work.

Obama, not a gun nut

My wife sees need for rural gun ownership

It must be deer season, as it seems everyone was talking about guns in the last week. Fred Thompson said the gun show he attended was "Heaven." I think Rudy had the best question to the question of the Second Amendment. When asked about the right to bear arms, he asked the question back, "do you have a criminal record?" He asked a second question, "are you mentally imbalanced?" [Response, 'no'] "Good, then I don't have a problem with you having a gun." And of course we all know that the Republicans won the coin toss to be 'in favor' of us having a Second Amendment.

The Democrats always call tails.

Barack Obama may actually be gaining and beating Hillary at the moment. (but you can't rely on Iowa polls - since the electorate there can change their mind up until the last moment... no really, I posted something about that earlier this month) Obama is asked frequently about his stance on gun control, er, that is, how he reads the second amendment and gun ownership.

When asked, he said that his wife, Michelle, had said that she could see why rural folks might want to own guns.

"We should be able to combine respect for those traditions with our concern for kids who are being shot down. This is a classic example of us just applying some common sense, just being reasonable, right? And reasonable would say that lawful gun owners – I respect the Second Amendment. I think lawful gun owners should be able to hunt, be sportsmen, protect their families.

Okay, Michelle is against kids blowing kids away in class - my answer to that, arm everyone. Or at least be prepared. Remember that kid with the mental disorder who no one would take responsibility for at Virginia Tech? The Korean nut job who thought he was in the Matrix or something and killed everyone in a lecture hall? How did he even get a FOID card? He was a Korean national, right? The Constitution doesn't apply to aliens, only US Citizens. Anyhow, somehow Cho acquired two illegal firearms: a small-bore .22-caliber Walther P22 semi-automatic handgun and a 9 mm semi-automatic Glock 19 handgun - not exactly the kind of caliber to blow down doors. How come no one threw a book or an iPod at Cho? It would have made him flinch and the class could have jumped him. Or a person could have. Might have. It's just not the sort of thing the victims were even capable of thinking of.

Of course, little kids get killed in gang crossfire while playing in parks and playgrounds in Chicago all the time - but you only read about those stories, and even then, buried in the back of the Metro section. Usually page 5 or 6. A pregnant woman was shot in front of her other children this Halloween. Chicago also has a ban on handguns... You know who else is from Chicago?

"And by the way, Michelle, my wife, she was traveling up, I think, in eastern Iowa, she was driving through this nice, beautiful area, going through all this farmland and hills and rivers and she said 'Boy, it's really pretty up here,' but she said, 'But you know, I can see why if I was living out here, I'd want a gun. Because, you know, 911 is going to take some time before somebody responds. You know what I mean? You know, it's like five miles between every house.'

Let me get this straight, Michelle, if roving gang members are rolling on their way to Fields of Dreams, it's perfectly okay for Farmer Bill to blow them away in this home invasion scenario you're working on here - but if I do it in the city limits - that's not kosher? And let's be clear about something - Farmer Bill is calling 911 for a medical emergency - not home invasion. What the hell is his gun going to do... oh, maybe you're advocating the right to die?

"So the point is, though, we should be able to do that, and we should be able to enforce laws that keep guns off the streets in inner cities because some unscrupulous gun dealer is, you know, letting somebody load up a van with a bunch of cheap handguns or sawed-off shotguns and dumping them and selling them for a profit in the streets."

Maybe if you didn't outlaw the guns, there wouldn't be a profit margin on those guns? Has your wife considered that? Perhaps if we had a real drug policy instead of the un-ending war on drugs there wouldn't be profit motive in keepin' the sales regions enforced? But banning guns solves these problems... Michelle?

Groovy Picture

Check this groovy picture I just found on the interwebs...

Gosh, could be my wife and I in college...

Wait a tick, hold on a second -

Isn't that...

...Bill and Hillary?

OMG!

Like, ew!