Jesus and Mary Chain

In honor of Jesus and Mary Chain reuniting Here's;



Oh, and here's the link to the story

Happy Black Friday

Let us give Thanks... Touchdown! Brett Farve!

I watched a lot of football yesterday, due to this flu.

Got about three ads into the paper and realized that Black Friday is a massive waste of time and energy.

Black Friday - the first day where retail supposedly makes money in any given year. There are some other great Black Fridays listed on Wikipedia too... they're mostly riots and financial crisises.

I have nothing against consumerism, capitalism or even blind devotion to the free market society. All that said, you'd have to pay me a significant amount to camp out in a parking lot, wake up early and fight the crowds just for a chance of some marginally good deal.

I mean, people are camping outside in the cold, 19 degree temperature, without hats, without shelter - they're essentially Homeless - to save five bucks on some lead paint toy made in China? What the hell is wrong with you people?

In the spirit of full disclosure, my hatred of crowds and "spanners" is legendary.

What's a spanner? The group of people (old ladies, young women, family, teenagers, fat people, tall people, whomever) that spans 4-6 people abreast and lopes along chatting, browsing, meandering while blocking an entire aisle. These people are also on sidewalks in front of me - all the time.

It's infuriating when they're completely oblivious to the fact that anyone is behind them... enraging when they just don't care.
If I ever snap and whack an old lady upside the head, you can bet she was a spanner.

However, if you ARE going to camp out and bear the rush of people who are shopping for ten dollars off last year's LCD flat screen, here are some thoughts:

Black Friday Tips:
1. Avoid digital cameras in general. You can do better online.
2. You almost can't go wrong with the widespread deals on GPS.
3. Those Polaroid TVs from Wal-mart are cheep, but you read this site and should know better.
4. Best Buy's doorbuster 40" Samsung 1080p TV? Similar deal at Sears, I hear.
5. Where's Apple? Here's Apple. No word on their deals yet.

Thanks for all the source research from [blackfriday.info]
To see pretty ad pictures hit up [bfads]

6. Also know that all these deals are leaked on purpose to whip us into some kind of lather.

7. If you don't have the cash, don't use your credit card. If you don't understand this last tip, see me after class.

My Turkey Day

It's almost Turkey day, dear Blasphemes reader. And I've got the flu. This happened to me once before. Only that time, I had mono. I'm pretty sure they both suck since I won't be eating. On the bright side, I doubt I'll have to hang with the in-laws. Minor consolation. With any luck, there will be a James Bond marathon on Spike or something? One can hope. Guess it'll be time to finally break into that DVD collection. Godfather or Lord of the Rings? Hell, I could probably get them both in. Anyhow - here's some stuff I've been holding onto to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Lame Duck pardons Turkey, or "I find your lack of faith disturbing..."

I don't know any Indians who would want that. Not even Asian Indians. Asian Indians? Yeah, that came up at a corporate meeting. Didn't know how to respond, especially since Indians from India were always Indians. And to use 'Asian' Indians suggests that Native Americans isn't the preferred nomenclature. I decided to keep my mouth shut and let that racist time bomb go off in their seat. Ironically, the issue was created by an African American.

Look at those smiles on Sesame Street. God, how would you brine that Big Bird? In a swimming pool?

Yeah, it's another kitchy frozen Turkey dinner picture. It's probably what I'll be having... on Saturday. Ugh. On the bright side I don't have travel plans or much work this week. That and since this Turkey Day travel will be the busiest ever. Just like last year and every year before that. Yeah, thank God I'm not traveling. Oh, and Snow is predicted in Chicago. That'll make some interesting Thanksgiving travels around the country. (link to Turkey Day Travel)

FAIL - A Whole Lotta Fail

SOTP - FIAL While not truly a 'fail' is a good start to what we're going for here.

Massive Truck of Fail - this is a message board scroll stopper.
Cop Fail - 'Nuff said, moving on.

Overpacked Donkey Fail - reminds me of the hatchback overpacked with drywall. This is funnier. It has a Donkey in the air.

FAIL - DVD. It's a DVD Rewinder. Act now! On Sale! Only $19.95 - But wait, there's more! You Failed!

Redneck Fail - looks like you were towing something, then you weren't and now you're in a house.

Unfriendly Skies Fail - It's my first day.

Fail, 4x. Failed to find a parking spot. You hit the boat. You found a parking spot, but in a blue zone. Best of all fail - you posed with your fail.

You've Got Fail: Kind of limp. Funny use of a movie poster. Someone took the time to get the M out of the original title.

Your Tank of Fail Has Arrived: Good picture. Not clever enough to get higher on the list. Better than You've Got Fail, though.

Kid Fails: You know, you could have easily made this mistake yourself. But he's wearing a ridiculous fire helmet so, there's that, which makes it better than the tanker.

Whale of a Fail: Kind of sad. Nice try with the use of wording. Would like to see the whale more decomposed perhaps. A better angle?

Tony Romo: Very good. Not very timely though. Brings back good memories of a very good 2006 failure though.

Kitty Fail: This one is extremely popular on Google. For some reason.

Fail Storm: Good for the message boards. Gets it's point across.

Motivational Fail: Trying really hard to be funnier than it is. The Despair posters - De-motivational posters - are much, much better than this homemade fail. However, that kid really does drive in a fail.

Dog: Pretty good. The dog does go through a loop, just not the one he was supposed to.

Soccer Fail: Great picture. A scroll stopper for sure. But it's soccer, and Americans have no idea what that object is on the man's face. Perhaps it's a tumor of some kind?

All Aboard the Failboat: Very good. Now we're getting somewhere. It's not even a sailboat. That's added humor value! If you look really closely, there's even a laptop computer falling into the drink.

Fail Camera: Now this one is pure sight gag, and that's a thinkin' man's fail. I also like how this would have had to have taken one or two people, plus manual labor to fail this well.

Dukakis in a Tank

Tacoma Narrows Bridge Collapse: You've seen the footage. It was even used in a TDK commercial in the 90's. Nice good failure, not as tragic, or as overhanded and metaphorical as the Titanic. Slightly more intelligent than some of the other Fails on this list.

Set Sail for Fail: Wonderful use of the English Language, plus the picture is fantastic! Ought to be higher on the list of fails.

Epic Fail: Even if you're not a fan of the brand, even a Mormon knows that when a beer truck dumps it's load on the road - you have achieved an epic fail.

Donald Sutherland Fail: This on goes right through your soul. When you see Donald Sutherland pointing at YOU, you know right then and there you f+ed up darn good. I think this one is my favorite!

Stroller Fail: What I like about this is that it looks as though it came from a manual or some government pamphlet for really, really, stupid people. It seems so official and matter of fact. A graphic artist actually had to draw this. Wonderful failure.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your Chicago Cubs.

Cut n' Paste to your hard drive for your next flame war! Feel free to send me links to better ones or argue what should be higher on the list. And yeah, I stole these from you on some board, so suck it.

It's Elmo's World -

We Just Live In It