"Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince."

Terminator TV Show

Cap'n's TV Review Soap Box. - I'm shuffling the politic milk crate off deck in favor of the TV review box, if only for a minute. Just assume there are spoilers to follow, so don't get all up in my grill about it, okay OneF?

With the writer's strike on, and so little programming on television, I really wanted to enjoy the new Terminator show they just started airing on the FOX. I thought, hey, this could be cool! Big budgets - HD - and Terminator! You know, they've got a lot of material in there that they could use. There will be some awesome special effects - and they don't have to have to fall on the Governator to pull it off. I'm sure these producers saw Battlestar Galactica and realized that good geek shows with real values and production can be rewarding for the audiences and also their pocketboks. And with this material they could build years and years of Sarah Connor and her son in the events from the end of T2 up until T3 - there's supposed to be years of hiding off the grid while John learns the way of the Force - er, sorry - the skills needed to defeat the machines in the future and to build an Army and shoot really cool guns. They have enough material there for years and yea-

Nope, they effed it up already.

First off, it's called Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - that title just SOUNDS like a high brow sitcom with Julia Louis Dreyfus just waiting to get canceled. And with a title like that - you have to focus on - exactly, the mommy.

The title character ought to be the character that ended the T2 movie. Buff, knows her weapons, is insane - you know, Linda Hamilton? (She was even married to James Cameron!)
Unfortunately, she's still the scared puppy lady from the end of the Tech-Noir bar scene. In this TV show, there's hardly any of the spit and NRA-a-Tude that oozed out of the mental institution escapee. Sure they mention the backstory. They mention the events of T2, hell, they even show the poor widow of the Skynet CEO again just to tie it all together.

Well, the fact that Sarah isn't up to par with the continuity they try hard to make you forget about that third film that came out -- and they screw that up a whole lot too. There's more time travel and metal being flung around than an episode of Dr. Who. Or some other nerdy time travel TV show - How about Time Tunnel or Journeyman? That 70's Show? Anyhow - We've got people sent from the future to the 50's to build time machines inside banks, for use in the 90's so that this show can take place last year. Got all that? Good, because that all happens in the first episode. In fact, in the first couple minutes of the first episode.

Let me just interrupt for a second and say that this show does look great. It looks like a feature. I'm sure it'll actually be a feature in the foreign markets. They also use Brad Fidel's iconic Industrial score which adds weight and the Terminator seal of approval. This isn't Flash Gordon on Sci Fi.

Continuity of that Terminator Brand Terminator story though? There are Terminators - sent back in time - how many times? That's three baddies in the features, one human, and two good guy Terminators reprogrammed by John in the future. Then there's the TV show - and my count is up to 120 more people in the past.

What the hell was going on around this time machine in the future? I imagine a room with a blue bubble and future John Connor is yelling at a HAL 9000 type of terminal.

SKYNET

"You may have defeated me, Future John Connor, but I'm going to send a Terminator to kill your mom before you're even born!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Oh yeah, well, I'll send my best soldier to make sure I am born! Suck it machine!"

SKYNET

"Okay, well, I'll send an even BETTER Terminator -- hmm?
I guess I should have sent model that first...?"

JOHN CONNOR

"Well, okay, let me reprogram this Terminator standing right here - yeah - well, that one will protect me from the Terminator you just sent back-"

SKYNET

"Fine, then here's another Terminator for T3!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Nuh-uh! I'll reprogram a Terminator - Hold on a second... There! - and this one will beat up the Terminator you just sent. So there!"

SKYNET

"Oh yeah, well, I'll just send another Terminator for this TV show too!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Well, then I guess I'll just reprogram ANOTHER Terminator and it'll just beat up your Terminator... again."

SKYNET

"I'm a little bored, you wanna play some chess or something?"

JOHN CONNOR

"I'll just reprogram another Terminator and beat you at chess ten minutes in the past! Checkmate MuthaFugga!"

I mean, how many people are in the past now? And if you can mess up the time-line (as per South Park and Terminator time travel rules) you're just postponing the future? My head is starting to hurt.

And the characters are stupid. They don't follow their own rules, then point out to you that they're not following the rules. They are supposed to have been trained by survivalists/ terrorists/ ex-boyfriends -- which are lines from T2 when John is talking about his male role models that Sarah introduced him to. She's supposed to be a bad ass crazy lass! In the first episode they're sleepwalking! It's just silly.

The new chick Terminator sent back to protect John now is cute and engaging in the first scene. Then it turns dumb. Real dumb. That's stupid. So now you're either re-making T2, but with a fem-bot, or you have the potential to create a stupid love interest with a machine? That's painting yourself into a corner no matter how you look at it.

The second episode has resistance fighters from the future in the past, which is now last year. Wow. Got a bit of a migraine... building here. And now they're all dead. Okay. Got all that? And there's a Terminator running around that's going to give away all the secrets of the future... kind of like in T3... again, my head. Where's that Advil?

Now I tried watching most of tonight's thrilling new episode. Sarah's still a wimp. She questions whether she could pop Oppenheimer for constructing the nuclear bomb. Please, let's review T2 again. It's only about 4 bucks at Best Buy! Sure she didn't shoot Miles Dyson... wait. Oh yeah, she still had humanity in her so she couldn't pop Dyson - and because his family was watching at the time... Maybe they did do their homework? Damn.

Ah - but - well - she still doesn't look anything like Linda. Yeah, I'm talking about her biceps - and also her crazy. And this Sarah seems more like in-between the first film and the second - not the second to dead in the third.

Needs more crazy.

And hopefully they won't get extra stupid and follow the continuity where Robocop is supposed to be part of Skynet... which continues to be beyond retarded.

I doubt I'll give this show another chance. I really wanted to like this. I'd even like to just turn my brain off and watch explosions for an hour. But I just can't seem to do it. Feel free to rebuttal - however, please note that I'll just send a Terminator in to the past and wipe you out before you can leave a comment.

Children of the High Fructose Corn Syrup

I'd like to step off the political soap box on this boat, and step onto another soap box. It is time to bring up an issue that has been bothering me for quite some time. It is the over use and consumption of High Fructose Corn Syrup. I have been planning to bring this issue up - as it is not discussed in the "popular press" pretty much - well - ever. There's a darn good reason for that. There's too much money at stake, and we're not talking chump change either. We're talking about Big Food.

Look, let me start off by saying I'm not a scientist. I am merely a grizzly old sea Cap'n with a chip on the chip on my shoulder. I'm a cynic with no real values or virtues of my own. I seem only able to point out the mishaps and mistakes of others. I admit it. I live for the schadenfreude!

But looking around at my own expanding waist band... and the size of the average American that I spy upon (those few times I do sneak ashore) and I keep wondering, "just why the hell is everyone getting so large?"

First, let me introduce Carl Karcher - he's a classic American entrepreneur. Rags to Riches story- he turned a hot dog cart into a massive empire - Carl's Jr. Forget that his empire was stolen by his eleven kids.. We're all very proud of him and all his many achievements. He lived to the ripe old age of 90. Obviously he never tried his product. Hell, even eazy-e could have told you that. This story is in honor of Carl's passing. (Carl's story)

Let me share with you one of Carl's delicious offerings.

The Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger©

Serving Size: 270 g
Calories: 1080
Calories from Fat: 555
Total Fat: 62 grams
Saturated Fat: 27 grams
Cholesterol: 137 milligrams
Sodium: 2449 milligrams
Carbohydrates: 84 grams
Fiber: 4 grams
Sugars: 20 grams
Protein: 45 grams

Looks great right? Add a Soft Drink and a Large fries with that? Yeah, you're pretty much exceeding the caloric intake recommend for an entire day. Probably your salt intake for a month. Seems obvious. You eat this - blam, you're fat. Sure. Okay... case closed.

Nope, not enough evidence. Maybe cavemen were eating this stuff? Yeah... but not enough to 'prove' the obese curve.

Besides, a lot of people have already been down on the Carl's Jr. for the irresponsible advertising and selling of this food. However, unlike the anti-smoking crowd, you can't yell and scream that my tastes in food are harming you... unless you think it through.

The obesity epidemic - well, I don't know if it's officially been called an 'epidemic' yet by the CDC - however, I can tell you it's a crisis. There's a wave approaching the United States that's bigger and heavier and wheezier than the Baby Boomers retiring en mass. It's the Mass of the next generation. What's worse? It IS effecting you. And even if you're a vegan granola muncher - you will be hit with this problem too - especially in the pocket book. How? You'll be supporting all these fat people's health issues when we have Socialized Medicine.

Wait, what about personal responsibility? Sure, that would be my obvious counter point to my own argument. But if you have no idea of the dangers, can you expect everyone to be ignorant? Absolutely. This is 'Merica, afterall. But let's pretend you somehow have no idea how bad fast food is for you? Really.

No, really. It's kind of hard to track down this information. I mean, who the hell wants to know how many calories are in that The Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger©? Do you know how difficult it was to get the "Nutrition" info on that Western burger? More than three clicks, I'll tell you. Plus, I know how to use this here AlGore Intra-Web net contraption. Does anyone even know what we're shoveling into our over sized gullets?

Let me give you another example. Let's look at a popular theme type restaurant -

PF Chang's LO MEIN COMBO
Calories 1820
Protein 66g
Carbs 98g
Total Fat 83.0g
Saturated Fat 20.0g

Kind of makes that Western Burger look like health food, eh?

But, believe it or not, it's not just the fat and salt that are causing people to get rounder. I mean, we've had Twinkies and M&M's (not to single those two out specifically, they just happen to be sitting on deck with me right now...) since the 1930's. And it's not just the sedimentary suburban-cul de sac car culture of America either. Wherever American fast food and drinks have been shipped to, that country is witnessing obesity as well. And Americans have been driving around since the 1950's, and drinking sodas, and eating garbage junk food this whole time. Why weren't there fat people in the 50's, 60's and 70's?

What's the missing element that causes the obesity arch to rise so quickly? Specifically from 1985 to 2006? Again, let me remind you that I'm not a scientist. I'm not a Endocrinologist. Hell, I can barely read. But I can look at a USA Today styled infograph from the CDC:

Here's the Fat Bodies in America in 1985.

Here's the Fat Bodies in 2006...

In a word: WTF?
Note that the edges are much rounder. I guess the people in Colorado and Massachusetts still have to walk to get to their cars? If your state is orange - that means 1 and 4 people around you are fat!

I have an un-scientific, but plausible thought about this which I have given much thought research to. I may be killed for this information. ADM, Coca Cola, the Fast Food Nation, ConAgra, Kraft, hell, pretty much all of Big Food (yeah, just like Big Tobacco - which owns a good portion of the food companies, just so you know) and all the television stations that show their advertising will be gunning for me now just for bringing this up. There's a line behind the Clinton goons and some other folks that I pissed off in Cuba last month - hence the boat in International Waters... But check the masthead - it's called Blasphemes.

So here's my hypothesis for the smoking gun of obesity -

The US Department of Agriculture investigated the harmful effects of dietary sugar on rats. They discovered that when male rats are fed a diet deficient in copper, with sucrose as the carbohydrate, they develop severe pathologies of vital organs. Liver, heart and testes exhibit extreme swelling, while the pancreas atrophies, invariably leading to death of the rats before maturity.(link)

Dude, 'Mericans are becoming Foie Gras!

When a duck or goose is force fed a controlled amount of corn mash through a tube inserted in the animal's cuticle-lined esophagus to expand their livers to create påté.

Well what the hell is High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS)?

Since its introduction in the 1970s, high fructose corn syrup has become a widely accepted sweetener made from corn grown on U.S. corn fields. This website offers answers to some frequently asked questions about this highly versatile and predominantly American natural, nutritive sweetener.

This website also blew up my bullsh*t detector! I kid you not! However, how damning of them? In Big Food's own fake, made up website tells you upfront that HFCS was introduced in the 70's - look at the chart again. That's when the chart starts! They also admit HFCS isn't even All American. Well - that's what I got out of the word "predominantly," anyway. And I've never seen the word "nutritive" in my entire life. Is that like "nutrition", but not?

Of or relating to nutrition.
from Latin ntrtus, past participle of ntrre, to suckle

To suckle? You think I'm on to something here, gang?

No Really, what is it?

HFCS is a highly refined form of corn that is stripped to the core to create a sweet sugar compound that is sweeter than sugar cane. HFCS replaces sugar in food products which saves a couple pennies over the price of sugar cane. It also extends shelf life quite a bit since it doesn't break down well in nature. When you're selling Soda Pop - a couple of pennies can add Trillions into your ledger line.

• CS is somewhat cheaper due to the relative abundance of corn and the relative lack of sugar beets, as well as farm subsidies and sugar import tariffs in the United States.^[6]
• HFCS is easier to blend and transport because it is a liquid.^[7]
• HFCS usage leads to products with much longer shelf life.

There's also nothing 'natural' about it. You cannot make this product out of some ears of corn from the farmer's market. It's a chemical process, creating a compound that mimics the properties of sugar, without being sugar.

And it is in everything.

Even bread. 100% Whole Wheat Bread. Really. Read your labels. It is in everything from toothpaste to soup and nuts, and especially in Soda Pop (just about all of them, in fact, it'd be easier to list the couple that DON'T use HFCS) - in a sense, if you are eating something in a packaged form you're eating some HFCS. It's in everything.

Which leads me back to Carl's Jr.'s The Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger©. There's HFCS in the bun, in the ketchup, the BBQ sauce, the processed "Cheese" and also in the batter on the onion rings. They probably sprinkle some on top just for show. Add the "small" Soft Drink of 20 oz.- with 17 Tablespoons of HFCS - and you've got yourself some liver damage along with some serious stored fat.

Now start compounding that - for every packaged or fast food item that you haven't personally created from scratch. Every meal! Every item of food you're shoveling into your gullet. That's an amazing amount of HFCS in you. And all the people around you.

Is this the reason for the obesity epidemic? Nope. I can't prove it. But it sure smells like an airport men's room.

Now, begin to think about what that crap is doing to the kids-

What if they found out that this fat, salt and altered sugar compounds create brain chemical imbalances along with damaged livers? Do you start to see why there are so many medicated children for learning disabilities like ADHD? They're even treating children for Bipolar disorders now - that's lithium, jack! In little kids!? Some as young as two! TWO!

I saw a Frontline the other day which called the Medicated Child - (link to watch the entire program) you know what struck me the most? (other than parents unwilling to stand up to doctors with script pads) It was that the subject kids were eating corn dogs and 'energy' drinks.

I wonder if those kids who are on eight different mood altering drugs just tried a diet without HFCS and high fat and salt ratios, what would happen? Would they get better? Would they get worse? I think if I were one of those parents, I'd give that a shot.
Solutions?

The knee jerk 'Merican response is to sue or regulate. Two fine, tested options. Not when food or money is involved. When the legislature has Big Food's cash and tentacles wrapped around Congress's arteries - good luck. You're talking about a fight as useless as legislating against Tobacco. Going to Congress for this solution is a waste of a plane ticket.

But what if we were able to get through to the State and Federal employees that are servants of the people? I mean, you could propose a tax on this junk - they like taxes! You could force Big Food to display their calories in an easier fashion. You could even fund nutrition education for kids and parents. Just know that you won't be doing it at the schools - especially those that depend on all those Soda machines for funding and has Aramark running the cafeteria.

So sue, right? Well, there's that "Personal Responsibility" stuff naggin' at that solution. There were two teenage girls who were suing the Big Mack for their massive weight. The first suit was thrown out because their lawyer was incapable of showing the harm done. There's also the defense of "no one forced it down your throat with a funnel" (my words, not Big Mack's). However, the judge did lay out a roadmap in which to "try again." That's like a free quarter on Ms. Pac Man! It's a slow boat. That started in 2002.

What is a fat man to do? There's "Personal Responsibility" again. Damn. I sure as hell don't want to exercise and eat right. (bleah!) But here's what I can do - vote with my pocketbook! I can chose to not eat pre-packaged foods with HFCS in them. Which is pretty much the entire center of any given grocery store. Check that out next time you're in one. My lunch choices are now going to be limited to whiskey and, er, probably just whiskey? Maybe rum? No liquid chaser with that. That'll suck. I mean, I can't even have a PB&J for lunch! Not even a home made one! The Jelly, the Peanut Butter, and the damn Bread all has HFCS!

This isn't going to be easy. Cutting out HFCS is going to be harder than quiting smoking. Mostly because I will have to read (uck) and be mindful of what is going into my mouth.

I can try to tell others of my plight. Which is what I'm doing here. I can spread the word so that you have a little more knowledge - and at the very least - keep your kids off this crap. I'll try to add an update every once in a while - maybe try to understand how we got to this place?

New Hampshire

Dateline : New Hampshire
Reporting by Cap'n

Yeah, that's right! I went there to report to you with my own eyes instead of on my massive cellular posterior on the top of my boat.

First thing, is that the minute you get into New Hampshire you're immediately inundated... No, not with campaign buttons - but by Dunkin' Donuts. My God. I've never seen so many Dunkin' Donuts in my life! I think there was a Dunkin' Donuts IN the Dunkin' Donuts I was ordering in. Seriously. Imagine all the McDonald's and Starbucks in your hometown (or if you're rural, all the grain silos) were turned into Dunkin' Donuts - in addition to the Dunkin' Donuts you already have - you'd still not even come close to how many Dunkin' Donuts there are in New Hampshire.

There are a lot of campaign signs in New Hampshire. All but ten of them were for Ron Paul. No, maybe there were a couple for the other candidates - but not many. When I was there, the thaw had begun - and all the signs and massive amounts of snow were floating away. I was impressed by how many Kucinich signs there were. There were really big signs too. Some as big as garage doors.
Every single ad on the radio and TV and every single spot of open ground was an ad for a Presidential candidate. If they could have beamed it straight into your head they would have.

Republican signage & ad proportion: McCain, Romney, Ron Paul. Three Thompsons. I think I might have seen a Rudy. I didn't see any Huckabee signs.
Democrat signage - Obama, Hillary. I think I saw more Kucinich than Edwards... maybe? Edwards sign is dark blue and it's really hard to read in a melting snow bank.

What about New Hampshire?
Apparently New Hampshire is a skiing resort for Boston - much the way that Wisconsin plays tourist trap for Illinois and how Vegas plays to California. I'm not sure, but I'll tell you this - there aren't many people in New Hampshire. And it looks like the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I guess not many people know what the U.P. of Michigan looks like. If it weren't for the events of last Tuesday, I don't think too many people would know what New Hampshire looks like either.

Now do not misquote me here, or leave me a bad comment - all the people of New Hampshire were great! They were friendly and helpful and amazed at the bumper crop of media cicadas that had come to their state this year.

So here's what I've observed...
Going into it, Obama was a ten point leader of the pack. This was unquestionable by everyone. McCain was beating Romney - and nothing else mattered. More on that later...

Hillary was about to fire her entire team from the top down and reorganize her message.
Then she hiccuped a staged cry. Where? At Effin' Dunkin' Donuts!

Clinton was forced to get out of her comfort zone and into a Dunkin Donuts to catch the front-runner, Sen. Barack Obama -- a man she had dismissed as being beneath her political league.

When women asked her how she was doing, Clinton -- whom many have described as being as "tough as nails" -- teared up with emotion.

A moment like that can come out of nowhere. But most women, particularly professional women, know that being unable to control such emotional breakdowns can knock them off a career track.

"Flee if you must," we're told. "But don't ever, ever let the men see you cry."

What they DON'T TELL YOU is that she then turned her head to the next question like nothing happened. It was reminiscent of a gag Nixon used once.... or so I was told by the older folks. The lady that asked Clinton the question in that Dunkin' Donuts was interviewed on the radio - she voted Obama because she witnessed first hand how staged that "moment" was.

So then on the day of the actual primary: Record turn out. There were stories of the Democrats running out of ballots. Well, it was a rumors first, then when it was on CNN. Then it became a fact.

On to the Republicans, oh look, another Dunkin' Donuts!
While I was there I learned that the people of Massachusetts don't like Mitt Romney. My guess is that this sentiment carries over the border to New Hampshire. When Romney was trying to relate to the 'locals', he told them that he owned a summer home in their state. Way to relate. I don't think the townies liked that too much... For some reason? Can't understand why...

Mitt was causing some serious issues with the people I spoke to. See, when Mitt had just been sworn in as the fresh new Governor of Massachusetts he quickly flew off to swoop in to "save the Winter Games!" This has been one of his big platform issues of to illustrate that he has great management skills. (Along with his ninja skills to?) I was told that the Winter Games was already on the mend when Mitt showed up. Mitt stole some thunder to create a plank on his Presidential campaign platform. The other story circulating the local Dunkin' was that he's a real S.O.B. as a manager - with few to zero person skills. Like a Type-A kind of boss. You know? An *sshole. I gather that's kind of a bad rep if you're a politician? The folks of New Hampshire are also keenly aware of his successes and failures, because Massachusetts is so close they not only get their TV stations, but some times the mailman accidentally gives them the wrong mail.

With these two anecdotal stories, the theory going was that the Independents or, rather, the conservatives who have always lived in the "Live Free or Die" state (Isn't it cool? They have that on their license plates!) hate Romney so much that they voted for McCain just to knock that haircut down a peg.

Back to the Dems... Another Dunkin' Donuts. Don' mind if I do!
There have been rumors of voter fraud - unsubstantiated - but rumors nonetheless. Basically, the allegations stem from witnesses of people bussed in from out of State. Again, this has not been verified. Only anecdotal evidence from people in small N.H. towns reporting strangers showing up to vote. But think about that. It's an open voting state. I understand that all you have to do is tell them that you plan to live there someday. "Okay, here's a ballot. Go pick a President."

If I had known this - I would have voted...
But you all know that I live on a boat in International Waters off the coast of ########. (Redacted for my safety)
And, besides, that wouldn't have been fair.

Now the rumors of not enough ballots were starting to make sense. It's not unexpected turnout from the college kids. It's not more people participating in the process - it's blatant voter fraud! Well, at least the Democrats are consistent. How come they don't yell and scream and finger point when they do it though? Too tacky?

Well anyway, the Obama loss - and let's look at those numbers -

Hillary Clinton	Dem	112,251	39%	9
Barack Obama	Dem	104,772	36%	9
John Edwards	Dem	48,681	17%	4
Bill Richardson	Dem	13,249	5%	0
Dennis Kucinich	Dem	3,919	1%	0

Obama barely lost! Another way to look at it, is that Hillary was rejected by over 61% of the voters on Tuesday. Fake tears, fake voters? Real victory?

She sure looks happy though!

Look, whether there was fraud or not, I don't know. I didn't make it too far North where the people know who their neighbors are. It's still really early in the season of "change" and there's plenty of time to commit massive voter fraud.

Learn anything other than the Dunkin' Donuts menu board?
I learned not to trust whatever polling company the Democrats have been using - they're useless. The Republican one was spot on. I guess Republicans don't lie when they answer polls? Who knows? I know that I know more than all the pundits in one room. They may know everyone's name, but they sure don't know what the hell they're talking about.

And now after posting this picture, I don't think Hillary's people are going to let me in at their event in Nevada. I'll let you know. Well, I mean, they let those "Iron My Shirt" guys in... oh, yeah, they work there. Yeah, if that wasn't sanctioned the Clinton Machine, they would have sent them to Gitmo.

Well, I have to go so I can get to another Dunkin' Donuts. You think they have one at Gitmo?

Shrinkage

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