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The Best Movies of '07

It is time. The paper is everywhere. The toys are already broken. There aren't any batteries for those that aren't.

Yep. Time for a pretentious look at the "Best Things" that have gone on in the last 360 some odd days. More likely than not, you were too busy - or didn't give a rip - the first 360. Maybe you've got another long weekend coming up? Maybe you want to look like a smart ass at the New Years Eve party to some hot drunk thing? What the hell do I know?

I know this: Lists of Things sell magazines.

Maybe a list of useless knowledge - you may have noticed, I've got a lot of that! - in a list form on Blasphemes will somehow catapult us past the Huffington Post?

Who cares. Here's a list for ya':
Important Films (not seen)

Angel-A
Opened May 25th, 2007
Directed by Luc Besson

The guy who did Fifth Element. Yeah.
So it's in black and white? Its about a guy who and there are some morals in it. It's in Paris - they probably speak some French or something? First time I heard about it. Today. While researching this list.

I have a feeling there might be a reason I never heard of it - what'a think?


The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Opened September 21st, 2007
Directed by Andrew Dominik

Brad Pitt in a Jesse James deal - but not playing Jesse James. I hear it looks great - which to anyone other than a Cinematographer ought to read as "boring as paint drying."


Death at a Funeral
Opened August 17th, 2007
Directed by Frank Oz

It's Mrs. Piggy! Bert! He made a movie! Cool. It's about dead British people? Uh, yeah! I'm running out to see this.

Grindhouse
Opened April 6th, 2007
Directed by Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino

I know. Like you I wanted to see this. Couldn't get the change or the time to get to the theater. Also - a little scared of the crowd who could get the change and the time to see this. Thought it'd be best to wait until DVD. It'd be tough to keep my drink on for the 3 hour plus run time of this thing. Funny though. It's on DVD now, and I still haven't seen it. But dude, if you did go, good for you. But judging by the numbers - you're the only one who made it out.

I'm Not There
Directed by Todd Haynes

Six people as Bob Dylan - including Cate Blanchett - I'm not there either.


The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Opened August 17th, 2007
Directed by Seth Gordon

Documentary about Donkey Kong - and the people who are still playing it. It's enchanting, so I've read. I like Donkey Kong as much as the other guy. I even played it at a bar - not that long ago too. However, I'm not trying to beat the world record in Donkey Kong. Not in 1980, and especially not in 2007. It seems that this limited release has a limited audience too. The epic battle for Donkey Kong high score, today? In 2007? Guys, might want to check into World of Warcraft, okay? As far as this doc goes, I think I'll just keep my quarters, thanks.


The Lookout
Opened March 30th, 2007
Directed by Scott Frank

Now this I did see. That guy who was in Brick is the lead character - you know - the kid from that 3rd Rock sitcom? It's a Memento meets, ah, um - it's a little Fargo, with uh - Memento - But it's not Memento - it's more like... it's a heist movie with a Memento-ish kind-of character. And there's some stuff in between!

I'm not selling it. It was good. It's just a really hard movie to sell.

Sunshine
Opened July 20th, 2007
Directed by Danny Boyle

I love Danny Boyle, man. I love his work. Even the kid movie Millions - I dig the way he tells a story, his look and everything. But something about this idea that the sun is all burnt out and its up to this rag-tag-crew of misfits to re-ignite it. er, Yeah?

Another one of those "Looks great" comments there...


Here's a couple others that are on 'Top Ten lists'. Have a pretty good feeling this is the first time you're hearing of them too.

Across the Universe - People either love it or hate it. It's the Beatles music in visual form. For example: "I want hold your hand" tenderly expresses the feelings of a lesbian cheerleader - oh. Can't believe I haven't seen this!

The Kite Runner - Pre-war Afghanistan - hold on - about a boy who was molested? Next! (Expect this to win buckets of Oscars.)

Away from Her - love Sarah Polley - she's not in it, she directed it. Bummer. It's about Alzheimer's. Double bummer. Next.

La Vie en Rose French. Next.

Juno - This is basically Knocked Up, but for the 'smart' people. You know - snobs!

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - Out of the cineplex before anyone heard about it. It's got Phillip Seymour Hoffman in it. Brant from Big Liebowski. Man, I wish that guy could get more work. It seems like no one has ever heard of this guy.

Atonement - or English Paint Drying in Mansion. Unless Keira Knightley is naked in it, it will be forever missed, as the love of the family groundskeeper keeping a terrible secret all in the backdrop of WWII - not kidding.

Great Debaters - Denzel is smart. This title to his movie is dumb. South Park should do an episode making fun of this. Oh, I'm sure it's great! I am dumb.

Movies I really WANTED to see, never got around to it:

Once - Groovy date movie. A Dublin street musician meets a hot Czech chick - and they make beautiful music together. Yeah, corny gag -- apparently this is fantastic.

Into the Wild - Sean Penn directed the story of Christopher McCandless, an idealistic young man who fought against the grain of the 'system' and became one with nature. Kind of the same way as Timothy Treadwell from Grizzly Man. Nah, I'm really simplifying this amazing story for a laugh. I friggin' loved this book! I wanted to make this movie myself. I wanted to be Chris McCandless until I sold out and started typing this blog. Every kid should read this instead of Catcher in the Rye. I hope the film lives up to the book.

Best Movie of 2007, that I really DID see, and told you people to see too. Hope you did too:
No Country For Old Men.

This really is one of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time.

Form Letter from Christ

AN OPEN HOLIDAY LETTER FROM JESUS
Dictated to : Max Burbank

Hey, everybody;

It's me. Jesus. You know, Lamb of God and all. Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while, things have been crazy, you know how it is. Dad says hi.

I just thought I'd write and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I know that's not as fashionable as it should be, maybe I'm supposed to say 'happy holidays', but I think it's okay to say 'Merry Christmas' to everyone. You don't have to be a Christian, you don't have to believe I'm divine, all I'm doing is wishing you well. And just so we're clear, personally? I think putting a nativity on public property is pushy. Plus, it's a little embarrassing. You know how it is when company you barely know comes over and your mom hauls out your baby album? It's like that.

Anyway, to me this is a special time of year, and I just thought I'd take the time to remind you that while I'm sure I said a lot of things that got written down and translated a lot of different ways, what I really meant was 'Be as nice as you can to other people'. And then try harder. Stretch a little. Even people you don't like. Actually especially people you don't like, because, come on, if it's hard for you to be nice to the people you like, you're already in trouble, right? That's the important stuff. And I just feel, at this time of year, that's the message I really want to get out. 'Cause it's my birthday.

Happy Xmas.

Good night and God Bless,

Jesus
Wonderful Counselor.
Everlasting Father.
Prince of Peace.

Been there, Dune that.

Peter Berg to Direct (yet another) ‘Dune.’ (link to the original press release)

Ladies and gentlemen, the next (what?) huge sci-fi franchise has a director. During an interview with “The Kingdom” director Peter Berg, he confirmed the rumor that “Dune” is coming and that he’s the one that will helm it. Calling the plans for him to direct “a done deal,” Berg told me that “if it weren’t for the writer’s strike, we’d be in it right now.” (chalk one victory up for the writer's strike then!)

Berg says that while there’s no script yet, they have a list of writers they plan to go out to once the strike settles. The helmer called himself “a huge fan of the book” and when asked about the scale of the film, he simply replied, “big big big.”

As any fan of the Frank Herbert classic knows, “Dune” received the big screen treatment once before in a divisive David Lynch film. Berg said that while he’s “a big fan of Lynch,” he believes “that interpretation has left the door wide open for a remake.” (and as there's no mention of the Sci-fi Channel's version that not only remade Dune, but also Dune Messiah combined with Children of Dune - guess you're not THAT big of a fan, huh, Peter?)

No word on casting - I can imagine Tom Cruise...

Meanwhile, Berg also confirmed that even before “Dune,” he’s likely to direct Tom Cruise in his next film. Berg called the script about a CIA agent on the run after being accused of being a spy “great” and “a great role for Tom.” (Because we've NEVER seen this movie before - it's totally original!)

Berg described the story as an “action thriller” and that “the audience is trying to figure out whether this character is good or bad. He’s claiming one thing and we’re not sure up until the very end.” (So it's complicated, and original, and it's Tom running! Yep, never seen that before! Kablam!)

When asked if he’s met with Cruise himself yet, Berg said “we’ve been talking.” (ah, no, that means you're leaving messages on his voice mail - this is called 'not signed'...)

GI Joe Update

Three actors on assignment in "G.I. Joe"

By Carly MayberryThu Dec 20, 8:36 AM ET

The "G.I. Joe" brigade is growing larger. Rachel Nichols ("P2"), Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ("Lost", "OZ" left) and Said Taghmaoui ("The Kite Runner" right) will join Sienna Miller ("Factory Girl", "Layer Cake"and Ray Park ("SWEP 1", "X-Men")" in the live-action movie based on the popular military doll and its comic-book and cartoon series spinoffs.

Stephen Sommers is directing "G.I. Joe," which is slated for an August 2009 release via Paramount Pictures.

The cartoon series featured military soldiers fighting a terrorist group called Cobra, with characters like the mute ninja Snake Eyes (Park) on the side of the good guys.

This latest version has G.I. JOE, which stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, as an international force of operatives set in Brussels.

Nichols will play a skilled martial artist who specializes in hand-to-hand combat and counterintelligence. Akinnuoye-Agbaje will play an ordnance expert, and Taghmaoui the team's communications specialist. Miller will play the Baroness, known for her espionage skills. To your left there.

Sienna Miller is the young lady below - perhaps will be playing Scarlet?

So, let me ask you - Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, as an international force of operatives set in Brussels -
Does that piss you off? Or does the casting of Siena Miller and Rachel Nichols offset the Brussels thing?